'Twas the night before Christmas - a funny variation on an old classic

'Twas the night before Christmas, but Covid was here,

So we all had to stay extra cautious this year.

Our masks were all hung by the chimney with care

In case Santa forgot his and needed a spare.

With Covid, we couldn't leave cookies or cake

So we left Santa hand sanitizer to take.

The children were sleeping, the brave little tots

The ones over 5 had just had their first shots,

And mom in her kerchief and me in my cap

Had just settled in for a long winter's nap.

But we tossed and we turned all night in our beds

As visions of variants danced in our heads.

Gamma and Delta and now Omicron

These Covid mutations that go on and on

I thought to myself, "If this doesn't get better,

I'll soon be familiar with every Greek letter".

Then just as I started to drift off and doze

A clatter of noise from the front lawn arose.

I leapt from my bed and ran straight down the stair

I opened the door, and an old gent stood there.

His N 95 made him look pretty weird

But I knew who he was by his red suit and beard.

I kept six feet away but blurted out quick

" What are you doing here, jolly Saint Nick?"

Then I said, "Where's your presents, your reindeer and sleigh ?

Don't you know that tomorrow will be Christmas Day? ".

And Santa stood there looking sad in the snow

As he started to tell me a long tale of woe.

He said he'd been stuck at the North Pole alone

All his white collar elves had been working from home,

And most of the others said "Santa, don't hire us!

We can live off the CERB now, thanks to the virus".

Those left in the toyshop had little to do.

With supply chain disruptions, they could make nothing new.

And as for the reindeer, they'd all gone away.

None of them left to pull on his sleigh.

He said Dasher and Dancer were in quarantine,

Prancer and Vixen refused the vaccine,

Comet and Cupid were in ICU,

So were Donner and Blitzen, they may not pull through.

And Rudolph's career can't be resurrected.

With his shiny red nose, they all think he's infected.

Even with his old sleigh, Santa couldn't go far.

Every border to cross needs a new PCR.

Santa sighed as he told me how nice it would be

If children could once again sit on his knee.

He couldn't care less if they're naughty or nice

But they'd have to show proof that they'd had their shot twice.

But then the old twinkle returned to his eyes.

And he said that he'd brought me a Christmas surprise.

When I unwrapped the box and opened it wide,

Starlight and rainbows streamed out from inside.

Some letters whirled round and flew up to the sky

And they spelled out a word that was 40 feet high.

There first was an H, then an O, then a P,

Then I saw it spelled HOPE when it added the E.

"Christmas magic" said Santa as he smiled through his beard.

Then suddenly all of the reindeer appeared.

He jumped into his sleigh and he waved me good-bye,

Then he soared o'er the rooftops and into the sky.

So what do I hope for in twenty and two?

It's trav'ling the world for me and for you!

Where will you go? (I am starting in Greece)

Will you drop me a line and let me know please?

Wishing all of you a wonderful Christmas and may 2022 be your best year ever!

(The origins of this version are obscure. It came to us from New Zealand by way of BC. But I thank whomever wrote it for their wonderful sense of humor. And I'll happily take credit for the final verse.)